The Tale of Phadnys and his Snuggie

There he was. The boy with his Snuggie.

He walked down the sidewalk, hands grasping the bunches of felt at his sides, as to prevent the Godsend from getting dirty. The blue material had been clinging to its owner for months. Ever since Phadnys has seen the informercial on his grainy, 13 inch television that dark and stormy night, he knew that the blanket with sleeves was his saving grace.

When the package came four days later, there was nothing but sheer joy spread across his dirty, unproportional face. The way the indigo cloth grazed upon his skin was not unlike an angel, gently corressing his scarred tissue. Phadnys has not taken the Snuggie off since that well-remembered day, to the point where his small, mutilated body and notoriously ugly appearance was no longer his defining features.

Phadnys continued his jolly jig down the sidewalk, with only small hints of a bright green undertone beneath the blue felt. He saw in the distance what had looked like a four leaf clover. Phadnys knew this was no ordinary four leaf clover, as he had encountered many a quadruple-leafed plant in his lifetime. The clover shimmered, reflecting the sun in a unique manor, almost diaphanous. Phadnys swooped down with finesse in his Snuggie and plucked the magnificient weed from its home.

Suddenly, a bolt of lightning struck. The lightening was also akin to the clover as it was no normal bolt of electricity. The light was almost painted a rainbow color, it seemed to him. The bolt had also quite a staying power, giving Phadnys time to examine the reds, greens, and violets of the light. Every color was present in that rainbow, except for the magnificent, calming blue of the Snuggie on his body.

As gracefully as a butterfly in the spring draft, a thin and rather gangly man leeped out of the bolt of rainbows and in front of Phadnys' eyes. His crown was also that of magicial quality, with little gems in the tips reflecting the blue cloth covering Phadnys, hiding his true identity.

As Phadnys continued dissecting the King's appearance, he noticed that the awkward-looking superior was also dressed in a Snuggie, however unlike Phadnys's, it was of a heavier material and a velvet color.

"Oh my, great Lord, your blanket with sleeves is very elegant."

"Why thank you," the king replied, "and yours is very... modest."

Phadnys replied in his heavy, Irish accent, "What I wouldn't give to have it."

And as soon as he said that, the king struck Phadnys in the upper thigh with his bejeweled cane, hidden beneath the much admired apparel. Phadnys fell to the ground, blood soaking through his suddenly inferior piece of woven art, causing a spot where the blue strands of cloth to be dyed a muddy purple. "My Snuggie!" He cried out. "Why?"

As swift as a fox of fire, the king snatched the stained Snuggie from Phadnys's body, revealing an attire of a leprechaun. The boy gasped, feeling suddenly naked, exposed, and ashamed.

Without a word, the king turned his back to Phadnys. He took the blue Snuggue and put it around his neck, tied the sleeves, and as if by magic, turned the former robe into a cape. He glided over the cracks of the sidewalk, floated over the gravel, and began making his way into the dreary sky. An electric rainbow shot out to him, and the king was gone.

Phadnys zipped up his green and white jacket, and began making his way to his home, stepping on each crack of the sidewalk. A pot of gold awaited him on his porch, but upon closer inspection, each coin shimmered a rainbow reflection of himself, with an added indigo, similar to that of his Snuggie. A tear streamed down his unsettled face. He opened the door, walked inside the house, and sat by his decade-old TV, waiting for another informercial. Phadnys was never heard from again.